I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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