Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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