dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
