Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
