I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Your topless pictures make me question reality
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
