I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
