I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
