i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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