never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
