my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
