im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
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So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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