New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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