I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize