She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
