I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
