A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
