I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
