sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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