I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
