About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
