1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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