If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
