Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
