remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
