standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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