I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
