No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
