Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
