Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
