Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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