Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
