Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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