I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize