The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
