I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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