i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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