yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If i come over, it means nothing
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
