Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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