he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
