I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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