i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
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My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
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You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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