I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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