Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
