I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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