I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
