When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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