So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
