In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we're making bets on your personal life
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
