You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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