Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
