Dude my mom stole all your condoms
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
