Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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