If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
