Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
