i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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