happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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