At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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