Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
