I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there was a trapeze. enough said
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
