this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
