she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
